


Each Their Own Universe

by wintersoupp



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: 3-Year Age Gap, Adulting, Alternate Universe - College/University, Architecture School, Bisexuality, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Drunk Sex, F/M, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Frustrated Writer, Insecurity, Late Bloomer, M/M, Masturbation, Oral Sex, POV First Person, Premarital Sex, Pressure, Roommates, Storytelling, Unfulfilled dreams, architecture, aside from the first 3 characters the rest only have minor roles, roommates with benefits, unprotected sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 16:38:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17471147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wintersoupp/pseuds/wintersoupp
Summary: Ten years after he graduated from college, late-bloomer Jeon Wonwoo retells the story of how his quiet and (unfortunately) boring life turned upside down after he met a kinda-precocious guy named Kim Mingyu.





	Each Their Own Universe

 

Hi! First of, I think I owe you a ‘thank you’ for showing interest in my story despite us not knowing each other. I’m not going to make any promises here - it’s just my story after all (nothing fancy, nothing Hollywood-ish), but I do hope that by the end of reading this you will learn a thing or two about yourself, about your life, or just _about_ life. I guess that’s exactly the reason why I’m sharing this to everyone.

My story isn’t anything like a novel or a film. It’s just my story - maybe a little bit like yours, or a little bit like that of someone you know. And that’s good, right? You get to relate to it and that’s the beauty of stories. A story is nothing when the receiver doesn’t get to keep a part of it for themselves.

Anyway, as you probably have known by now, my name is Jeon Wonwoo, and I’m going to tell you a story of how I grew to become the person I am today. How my regrettably uneventful (and kinda pitiful) life turned into something, well, a little more eventful.

I was born in Changwon, the capital city of Gyeongsangnam-do. It was a pretty simple life I lived there with my parents - lots of ports, lots of water, and lots of seafood I only grew to hate as years went by. I spent nineteen years of my life there before I left for Seoul for college. I am an only child, so my parents actually agreeing to let me off to Seoul is kinda beyond me, but that’s part of the reason, I guess. I am their only child so they wanted nothing more but the best for me, and maybe they also thought it would be such a waste to pass up the opportunity after I passed the entrance exam. 

So, I took up Architecture at a university in Seoul. And before your mind can do its job and run wild - yes, it was cool. It was cool being in the Architecture field. Everyone thinks it is, and let me just say it’s actually true. Obviously I’m not going to go around criticizing such notable profession because (a) it is not the purpose of this prose, and (b) I did grew to like it eventually and I managed to develop a soft spot for it in my heart, unbelievably enough.

However, at that point in time, being “cool” seemed to be the only positive thing I could see about studying Architecture. I was young, was living off of student budget meals, was exploiting my body to the point of it confusing coffee for water, and was dying to just get hit by a speeding car just like everyone else my age. In short, I didn’t feel like I was having the time of my life. I was not at my life’s peak, just how I imagined it would be when it was busy playing lyric videos of Taylor Swift songs from YouTube when I was twelve. I should be having my life together at twenty-one. That was how it looked like when I was young. But I was twenty-one that time, and the only thing I had together were my eyebrows from squinting at my laptop at three o’clock in the morning while cramming a paper I should’ve already passed at 8PM the night before.

As you probably have guessed from my tone, Architecture wasn’t something I liked from the beginning; instead, I wanted to become a writer. It was my childhood dream, and aside from my occasional fondness for arts and drawing, there wasn’t anything else I liked enough. But, of course, the world didn’t think doing these things as a career pass as an actual career. You know what they say: you wouldn’t get a stable job with writing or drawing, and it wouldn’t give you a decent salary either. You should go for law or medicine or engineering, because that’s where the money is. The world has great demands for those types of professions and you wouldn’t end up completely penniless if you choose such career paths. Of course, how would a teenager know any better. I chose Architecture because it still has arts it in, so I thought it mustn’t completely suck, right? But then I was on my third year, and I couldn't help but notice that life just seem to suck and suck even more each day. I did not drop it for a program in creative writing or journalism though, because that just wasn’t me. No matter how much I suck at a lot of things, I was at least someone who finishes what he starts. So I worked and worked for the next coming years although with constant complaints, clearly, but with a motivation in mind to finish.

As everything in life though, not all things are as miserable as I made it sound like. There were good days too, naturally. You know, those special days when you suddenly see things through a rose-colored glass and you think things are actually not that bad. Maybe things will work out after all, and you will graduate with the degree you worked hard for for years, and then a big, great company will hire you and you will earn some thick cash and you will finally afford an iphone and you will not be the failure you thought you were all those years. Those were the days. And I wish I treasured those moments of short-term optimism more instead of subconsciously waiting for my next disappointment or that dreadful moment of, “ah, I thought so.”

But anyway, I know these kind of stories are not to what you are actually here for. Of course you didn’t come here just to read me lament on my failure to embrace my passion, and my failed attempt to save face from carelessly allowing myself to enter a mess I didn’t even have 30% of affection for. I know you all came here for Mingyu, so I wouldn’t prolong your wait anymore. But before that, let me just say that my introduction is not completely off-topic from Mingyu. All those actually play a huge part in our relationship, so here it is.

I met Mingyu when I was on my third year in Architecture. He was a first year that time, although he technically should be a sophomore. It turned out he only shifted to Architecture from previously majoring in acting in a different school. He said it was because most people would constantly tell him he has the face for showbizness (kinda obnoxious hearing it from his own mouth the first time, but I couldn’t argue with him when he was standing there wearing just a simple white tee and old jeans but still managing to look absolutely dashing) so he was kind of brainwashed into it. But then it was only his first year in acting school and he could already say that it was the worst experience he had in his eighteen years of life. Well, aside from the fact that he couldn’t act for shit, being surrounded by people who are totally passionate about that thing you don’t care about could actually make you feel even worse about being there. And so he left acting school and went for something he actually liked - Architecture.

It was a little bit unbelievable to me at first, but it was only because my experience was a completely opposite of his. If I had the capacity to choose, I would’ve ran away from Architecture instead of running towards it. But the reality was that there are actually people whose passion is Architecture, and I had no valid opinions in oppose to that.

You might be thinking it's kind of funny, that the boy whose regret is going to an Architecture school met a boy who found his upsurge in the same place. But then there isn’t any fun in it otherwise.

At first, Minguy didn’t appeal to me as someone I would go out with. He was too much of a social butterfly, and is obviously the kind of person that fits the “life of the party” description way too well. And those just weren’t my cup of tea.

I was extremely introverted, which you must’ve expected already the moment I said I like writing (I’m trying not to generalize, so my DMs are open for anyone who knows an extroverted creative writer) so it only makes sense that I prefer people of my same species. Don't get me wrong, I admire extroverted people, or at least the more extroverted type of introvert; but being exposed too much to these kind of people can drain your energy at some point, so I would like to only keep a few for myself, like my best friend Soonyoung, for example, who's more than enough for my quota of five people. But that's a topic for another day.

So, as I was saying, college is that time when events and activities just do not seem to end, and those were the type of things I kept myself away from. I would rather be at the comforts of my bed, watching a movie or reading a book or catching up on plates I should be doing instead of procrastinating by watching movies and reading books. Mingyu, on the other hand, was the type to actually keep a schedule for these events. He would go to acquaintance parties, seminars, org events, annual college parties, special holiday events, and all those stuff that would've dried my brain from oxygen if I sit through for more than thirty minutes each. So just by looking at it logically, you wouldn't think we are exactly the greatest fit. But life has a funny way of dealing with things after all.

So, before anything else, I think you are most curious about how we met at this point. And lucky are you because that's where I'm going next.

As I have mentioned, my best friend Soonyoung was the most extroverted person in my life, and of course he did a lot of extroverted things, like join an org and be an officer, for example.

So, on our third year in college, he became the vice president for finance of an org called ArEx or Architecture Explorers. It's an org that brings students outside the campus for a short academic trip to historical places or architecturally notable buildings for a more firsthand experience in the field. Officers had to have executive assistants or EAs who are not elected, but chosen by the elected officers themselves. Of course Soonyoung just had to choose me. I would've declined because org responsibilities would take too much of my time for procrastination and would most probably force me to take the bull by the horns and dedicate the rest of my remaining time actually doing plates head-on, no luxury time and whatnot. But then I thought about the CV we had to produce by next year for our internship program. I still had nothing worthwhile to put in there. And so I accepted Soonyoung's offer, and had him promise me I would only be given the bare minimum of responsibilities for this ArEx thing. And so things went well, at the beginning at least.

Before you accuse me of striding off-topic again, don't worry because I'm already going to the good part.

So, during our recruitment week, on which I had to take a 1PM to 5PM schedule on a Tuesday for because Soonyoung guilt tripped me into doing it, all college orgs were gathered in our building’s gallery at the ground floor where each of them had a booth for registration of new members and renewal of membership for past ones.

It was kinda awkward when I was there because Soonyoung kept  on loitering around talking to his other friends from the other booths, so I was left alone with Nayoung, the president, and two other loud girls who pestered every passerby by asking them to join ArEx way too loudly. So I busied myself instead with helping Nayoung cut some freebie stickers for everyone who will sign up. Nayoung was actually pretty cool. She was friendly but not awkward to talk to, and she was silent for most times while organizing the other freebies like lanyards, notepads, and baseball caps which I liked.

And then before I knew it, it was already 4:30. Thirty minutes until our closing time. By this time, Soonyoung finally went back to our booth although he still kept on being annoying by animatedly relying all the gossips he heard from the other org officers for the past three and a half hours to Nayoung. That was the time Mingyu came to our booth.

“Hi,” Mingyu greets, smiling that thousand watt smile of his, canines and all. He was with his two other friends. 

“Oh, signing up as new members?” Nayoung asks in her friendly tone. Mingyu said yes, and that all three of them were joining. Nayoung asked them to write down their names on the registration paper as she organized the freebies for them. Soonyoung went ahead giving the three first years a crash course on ArEx, what we do and when our first assembly meeting would be where all members, especially the new ones, were encouraged to go. Mingyu told him he would love to go, and they went ahead talking about all other stuff as I minded my own business with the stickers. 

As unromantic and anticlimatic as that sound like, that was actually the first time we saw each other. Aside from the occasional passing-by-each-other-on-the-hallways type of encounters prior to that day which none of us noticed because we didn't mind each other then.

“Oh, I like this cap,” Mingyu complimented, gesturing to the small embroidery of ArEx's mascot (a giraffe wearing a sun visor hat) on the front of the cap, while his other two companies agreed saying how it was such a perfect fit for our org's whole field trip concept thing.

Soonyoung chirps, “Thank you! It's cute, it's it?”

“It is cute!” Mingyu nodded, and that when our eyes met. He smiled politely at me, and not knowing what to do with myself I gestured towards their freebie bags. 

“There's actually a sticker version of the mascot in the bag,” I said.

Mingyu shuffled his hand inside, looking for it, although he could already see a litter of it on the table — the hundreds I was cutting. “Oh, nice.”

Soonyoung and Nayoung were standing on my both sides, probably thinking how much awkward I was. Or maybe that was only all in my head.

Good thing Soonyoung saved the day by reminding them about the assembly the coming week. Nayoung also also told them a brief summary of what the assembly would be about. Mingyu and his friends' eyes sparkled when they heard about the free food we would give out, and promised they would definitely come. And then a new set of recruits came, signaling the cue for Mingyu and his friends' exit. I went back to cutting the stickers before I could say anything stupid again to the new set of students who just arrived.

I know. Our first meeting is totally anticlimatic, and there was nothing exciting or idyllic about it. But you just have to deal with that because it’s the reality. We met in such a boring kind of way, and in the midst of my lousy attempt to have something decent to write on my future CV. Typical Wonwoo.

Anyway, that same day after we finished putting away the stuff from our booth, Soonyoung told me his interesting news on our way to the dorm.

Soonyoung and I lived in the same building, but we were not roommates. He lived with his sister, who was majoring in psychology, on the eleventh floor, while I was on the ninth.

“I heard that that Mingyu guy is gay,” he told me, making it sound more scandalous than it was.

Well, before anything else, I think I just had to lay it all down here before we proceed. Soonyoung is bisexual, which is probably why it was a lot easier for him to know about such rumors (people thought those kind of adult gender reveal stories matter to him twice more so they always kept him up-to-date), and he also just had a way for being overly dramatic at times. Or most times. You probably have noticed.

I knew why Soonyoung was telling me about this information. He knew I was gay. He knew it every since we were in high school when I came out to him during our retreat, crying and telling him he didn't need to be friends with me if he was uncomfortable but that it would really be nice if we stayed friends. He hugged me, pat my back, and told me he masturbated to a picture of Taylor Lautner himself, and that he couldn't focus so much on Emma Watson’s beauty in Harry Potter when he was busy thinking about how hot Daniel Radcliffe was, too.

Having a friend who understood my gender and preferences did have its benefits, but it also meant that he had been constantly trying to be my wingman at every occasion. At that point in time, I’d never had a boyfriend. Kids in highschool could be really mean, and I wasn't brave enough to take such challenge as having a relationship with another boy with risks such as bullying and unprepared chance for coming out (I wasn't out to my parents then, even though I could already tell they had their suspicions). And so I went lowkey for all the years of highschool, and then for some reason, even on the early years of college. It just became like a habit, and probably an acquired fear for having relationships. It was like I became too comfortable being single. I swear it is a thing.

And so maybe that was why Soonyoung felt like he was responsible for helping me out, so he took it upon himself to find me a boyfriend, or set me up on dates at least. He told me it was okay if I wasn't attracted to anyone at the moment, but it wouldn't hurt going on occasional dates sometimes because who knows, maybe I would find a good guy that way or at least a motivation to actual do serious dating at some point.

Soonyoung knew my type — book-smart, tall, reserved, kinda has a mysterious vibe to him, and likes reading.

“So you mean a Jeon Wonwoo clone,” Soonyoung said annoyed, rolling his eyes. I couldn't argue with him, because I had already came to terms with the fact that my ideal type did sound too similar to me. But what could I do when I knew only a fool believes the “opposites attract” fallacy.

Because of that, Soonyoung made sure to recommend all sorts of guys to me to “broaden my horizon” — academic awardees, rich kids who do not care about studying because they have an empire to fall back to anyway, 6-footers, not 6-footers, mysterious science majors, a Tourism and Hotel Management student who was literally an open book, guys who like reading, and guys who didn't read anything pass a facebook status.

I knew he wasn't doing it to annoy me. He had good intentions. As he had said, he only wanted to “broaden my horizon” in some way. But it still irked me whenever I was put in a position when I had to be alone and talk to strangers who were clearly not up my alley. But I dealt with most of it anyway. And I was kind of glad I did. It allowed me to actually not be constantly inside my small bubble, and it felt like I was actually improving compared to how I was in highschool.

Although I didn't end up going out with any of the guys Soonyoung introduced me to, I was thankful none of them were judgmental enough to categorize me as a weirdo who's incapable of dating. But it was probably because none of them thought about meeting me too seriously too. But that was still a positive thing for me. Imagine meeting someone who badly wanted to keep talking to you when you were not that interested. That would be awkward. I wouldn't want to ghost somebody, or be socially forced to keep talking to them out of sheer responsibility to be _nice_.

And so I know what Soonyoung was implying. He was thinking of ways on how to confirm the rumors, and then work on his plan of setting me up with Mingyu afterwards. Or maybe he could do both at the same time.

“You have to come to the assembly,” Soonyoung told me. He knew he still had to do more than that to convince me, after all I had already scheduled that day as “procrastination day,” and he also knew he promised me very little requirement for my participation to org events.

“I don't like guys younger than me,” I said as an excuse. It was partly true. I preferred guys who were more mature than I was, and although age doesn't necessarily tantamount to maturity, there was still some tinge of logic in my excuse.

But of course Soonyoung had to roll his eyes. “As if a, what, two- to three-year age difference would matter. Plus, you have to agree with me he was cute.”

As you probably expected, I did end up going to the assembly. Our deadline for the plate on History of Architecture was rescheduled before the assembly instead of after it, coincidentally enough. So I was left with no excuse to give my best friend. I could've told him I needed a rest from pulling an all-nighter prior to the submission date, but I made the biggest mistake by admitting I just woke up from hibernation when he called me at 11PM that night.

So I woke up at seven in the morning the next day to help with the preparations for our org's first official meeting that academic year. If you apply the maths, you would've figured out how I went to the assembly still feeling exhausted. I woke up at eleven midnight the night before because of Soonyoung's call, so I wasn't feeling sleepy anymore to get some more shut-eye before I had to wake up at 7AM. And so after taking that call from Soonyoung, his last attempt at making me attend, I instead busied myself with watching Survivor challenges on YouTube and only slept when it was around 5AM. That wasn't enough hours to prepare me for the long hours of socializing ahead. But I still went because I would feel really bad if I had to stood up Soonyoung after promising I would come.

There were already ArEx members showing up before the scheduled 10AM, and of course one of them was Mingyu. He was probably thinking how responsible of an officer I was, since I was both actively present during the only two times he attended an ArEx stuff. I could see it in him when he acknowledged me during the awkward meet-and-greet before the assembly had to official start.

As per usual, I tried to keep to myself for the entirety of the meeting. Nayoung did her thing explaining about ArEx, goals and all, and the timeline of events and activities we would be doing for the whole academic year, and then the other officers were introduced and were asked to give their own short speeches about the org. As expected, everyone loved Soonyoung's energy and so I just sat there with my mind wandering off to that one specific Survivor Cagayan immunity and reward challenge, thinking about what could've happened if another team won it instead.

It was the best trick, the best one that could get you through any boring or uncomfortable situation, because before I knew it, the meeting was over and we were off sharing a giant 4-flavored pizza with the group. I got my part and ate it in silence, and only noticing after how Soonyoung and Mingyu were on one spot opposite mine, laughing and conversing about something that seemed to be too interesting for them (which I would later on find out was about an anime they mutually liked). Unfortunately, I missed my timing and didn't manage to successfully look away before Soonyoung made eye contact with me. He gestured for me to come to them.

“Mingyu also loves One Piece,” Soonyoung enthusiastically shared when I got there. “Isn't that cool? And he also collects miniature figurines like me!”

“Oh, um, that's cool,” I managed. “You've been collecting since we were in high school, right?” I asked Soonyoung, trying to keep the flow of the conversation going.

That must've sparked Mingyu's interest because he beamed, “Oh,  you've known each others since high school.”

It wasn't a question, but Soonyoung still felt the need to affirm. He said that yes, we've known each other for fifteen years, but have only been friends for eight of it - starting when we became classmates during eighth grade. Soonyoung just kept on talking more after that and for all those years I’ve been with him, I’d already learned the art of drowning out his voice and selective hearing, but Mingyu hadn’t and it seemed like whatever my best friend was saying really did interest him. I only turned up the volume of Soonyoung’s voice in my head again when, for some reason, the topic of me being a “single pringle” suddenly came up. He was gesturing to me, talking about how I didn’t have a boyfriend and that I might or might not be looking for one.

However, you shouldn’t get the wrong idea. Soonyoung was not a horrible person who pushes me to every person we come across, but sometimes, he develops a strong liking towards certain people even in such a short amount of time. Later on, you will find out about how much he'd grown to loving Mingyu as a person, but for now you can settle with the fact that he was already showing early signs of devotion towards the guy. That's why he was already teasing him to me, or just teasing him per se.

“That's fantastic. I'm single, too,” Mingyu said in a semi-flirty tone. But then he apologetically laughed after, perhaps after he saw how my mouth morphed into a thin line.

Now that was another thing that convinced me (at that time at least) that Mingyu just wasn't my type of guy. He was an absolute flirt. Of course playing along with that type of joke doesn’t make him a flirt right off the bat, but by now, I had more than enough evidence to say he is. So you just have to trust my word for it.

On the other hand, because of that single response from Mingyu, Soonyoung saw the opportunity to keep on teasing me towards him. He discovered that Mingyu would play along with his antics. He felt so entertained by his nonchalance and my overly sensitive reaction that suddenly it was like he was trying to ignite a wet newspaper. But he was so scenic about the whole thing that in a few days time, he already had some recruits who helped him campaign for the “MinWon” agenda. I'd get to the details of that later. For now, let me discuss the budding friendship of Soonyoung and Mingyu.

After that day, Soonyoung and Mingyu grew even closer with their mutual interest in anime and a few other similarities they found out about each other later on - like how they were both obsessed with shabu shabu so they set up a friendly date during that one weekend which turned into a semi-regular thing after some time, how Mingyu was looking for a summer part-time job so Soonyoung offered him his workplace which was a Starbucks near our university, and how, later on, they both thrive in making me flustered by constantly teasing me about all sorts of things. But we wouldn’t get to that part until later, because obviously Mingyu didn’t just waltzed in our lives like that.

Mingyu first had to become one of our vice president for external relations’ junior from a high school back in Anyang, so it was only common sense he had to become an EA for ArEx, too. It was good news for Soonyoung, but definitely not to me. As much as I wasn’t entirely active in our org, I didn’t need any more reason for not wanting to go to any org event aside from my indolence. But that was something I had to deal with on my own now, because there was no way for Mingyu to be turned down as an EA when he was as charming as he was. And that was when Soonyoung and Mingyu grew even closer.

Being both active members of the org, the two would constantly see each other and then from there, started hanging out by choice - this was the shabu shabu thing. It slowly invaded my time with Soonyoung, too, because my best friend started asking about including Mingyu during some of our dinner dates.

I could have been honest with Soonyoung, but I just didn’t know how to explain why I wouldn’t want to eat dinner Mingyu. What would I say, that Soonyoung had somehow made me uncomfortable around Mingyu by haphazardly introducing him as a potential boyfriend before actually getting to know him as an, I don’t know, person first? That I couldn’t handle his occasional “I think you'd be great together” jokes? Not when at that time, I considered admitting discomfort meant being weak. And when I thought I was only being my usual overly sensitive self and felt like talking about it truthfully with someone would only be an embarrassing experience. So I ended up agreeing anyway. And that was when things started to become complicated.

During one of the times the three of use ate out together (this was, like, a month into Soonyoung and Mingyu’s friendship and one week into our occasional dinner and lunch dates), Mingyu told us about the dilemma he’d been having for the past two and a half months of Architecture. However, it turned out to not be something about Architecture as is. It was something about his roommate.

Mingyu’s dorm was a little farther than mine and Soonyoung’s, and he was rooming with a guy from Commerce and Business Administration. Mingyu said the guy was pretty much like a casanova, and although he didn’t entirely had any problem about that, he did find his habit of bringing different women in their dorm too often kinda problematic.

It would be completely fine if the guy was decent enough to at least text Mingyu that a guest would be coming over. They had separate bedrooms anyway, so Minki and his girl could do their thing in private. But he wouldn’t even bother telling Mingyu about anything so the poor guy would sometimes go home, tired from plates and projects, and hear them going at it loudly in the bedroom, or worse, their shared bathroom.

And now, Mingyu said it even came to a point where prior warnings wouldn’t even suffice, because his housemate’s shenanigans had come to an extent where everyday was an awful sexual adventure. He could drown them out with music on desperate days when he had more important things to do like working on his plates instead of drafting another speech for his housemate, but he couldn’t ignore the fact that Minki was already getting to his nerve, and that their dorm had stopped becoming an ideal place for habitation. It had instead become Minki’s personal motel.

“So I am thinking of moving out. I’m looking for a new dorm,” Mingyu admits. “But it’s kinda hard to find a new one in the middle of the semester. I don’t want to rent somewhere too far from our building either. Do you guys know any dorms around the university?”

I immediately gave Soonyoung the look before he could even think about mentioning to Mingyu the fact that I was actually missing a roommate.

I did have a roommate from first year to second year, but he transferred to a different school last year when he realized he was failing Chemical Engineering not because he was dumb, but because his heart was beating for the athletic field instead; so he transferred to a different school with a good sports science program. I didn’t look for a roommate after that. Taekwoon had the perfect personality I wanted for a roommate - simple, quiet, neat, and respectful with each other’s personal space, so I wasn’t ready for the stress of looking for an exact same replica of a roommate after he left, although making my parents pay for a 2-person room for three months now did kind of made me feel really bad.

“You can try asking at our building?” Soonyoung tried, glancing at me for approval. He wasn’t completely giving away my details, but he was still helping Mingyu in some way. There were no other suggestions he could come up with at such a short notice. The only logical recommendation was _his_ own dormitory.

Mingyu seemed satisfied with the suggestion though, and asked Soonyoung to help him inquire during his free-time. I just hoped the admin staff wouldn’t tell Mingyu about my situation after seeing a common friend accompanying him, but I could deal with that later. What I had to deal with at that moment was the guilt.

The thing is, and you would probably agree with me, when you are consulted with a problem you know you could help with, but then you decided not to for personal, selfish reasons, the guilt would bug you ten times more. I did manage to hold it in until the day after Soonyoung and Mingyu inquired at our dorm and found out there weren’t any more vacant units available. There was about a handful with incomplete number of occupants though; however, none of these units informed the admin about searching for a roommate, so that meant they had no sure available room for Mingyu. They told him they could do a confirmation for him if he liked. They would tell the tenants about an interested renter and see if they would change their mind and take him in, but Mingyu would have to wait for two days or more for that.

Another thing though, Mingyu just had this innocent puppy-look that would make anyone who hurt him feel a hundred times worse. He was so excited talking about how he would potentially hang out at Soonyoung’s room to play games or watch One Piece for days before the inquiry, and I couldn’t help feeling like I was holding it back against him in some way. Well, I really was holding it back against him. And so I decided to finally just do it. After all, what was the worst thing that could happen, right?

That night, the three of us were out eating dinner together as per usual, although this time at a cheap food stall near the campus because Mingyu had to buy a new set of techpens while Soonyoung and I had just printed out about fifty pages of research paper for our Design class (in short, we were all broke).

“Um, actually,” I started, playing with the kimbap on my plate. “I am looking for a roommate.”

Mingyu’s eyes grew wide. This was the first time he genuinely looked hopeful. “Really?”

Soonyoung looked at me as if I grew testicles on my face. I gave him the, “Yeah, I am doing this” look. He shook his head and silently snorted in amusement.

“My old roommate just moved out this summer,” I said, my head turning gears in knitting together a less harsh excuse for not offering sooner. “And I kinda felt too ecstatic about having the whole flat for myself, I guess, that I didn’t consider about having another roommate. Well, until now. Sorry for not telling you earlier.”

If I were Mingyu, I would’ve been upset. Even if I tamed my excuse for him, it still didn’t entirely sugarcoat the fact that I didn’t want to room with him, and that despite hanging out together sometimes, I didn’t actually like him that much. Which wasn’t 100% wrong, but I didn’t dislike him either. I was just uncomfortable, and innately awkward especially with new people. Thankfully though, Mingyu wasn’t me. He was still pleased with my offer and even genuinely thanked me for it, which made me feel two hundred times worse. So I told him I would tell the admin myself about it, and that the only things he had to worry about were some documents, his payment, and how he would move his stuff to my place. _Our_ place.

Soonyoung did talk to me about it on our way back to the dorm. He asked me why the sudden change of mind when I had been acting like I was allergic to Mingyu for some time now, which I told him was an exaggeration although I did get his point. And so I told him the truth - that I was feeling guilty about withholding the help I could offer to Mingyu. A help any decent human being capable of empathy would offer.

Naturally, he asked me next what about it with Mingyu that didn’t sit well with me, what was it that was making me feel too cautious around him. As an answer, I reminded him about the importance of first impressions to me. And I confessed that it had something to do with him a little, too. I felt like I had lost the chance to become friends with the guy when the first time we met, Soonyoung was already pushing him to me as a potential date (I didn’t have to become friends, or hang out ever again, with any of the past guys Soonyoung introduced me to, so that explains that). And I also didn’t like the fact that whenever Mingyu and I did as much as stand within three feet apart each other, Soonyoung and a few other classmates (who he convinced to agree that “Mingyu and I look good together” — his words, not mine) would make such a big deal about it and stare at us in what seemed to me as mock giddiness.

That was what I failed to expound earlier on — the fact that Soonyoung wasn't alone anymore in his agenda after some time. Maybe it would have been easier to deal with just Soonyoung. I had managed to deal with him for years. But then he found himself some recruits and before I knew it, I had a whole swamp of people ganging up on me.

That was what made it worse actually. After that ArEx assembly, people around me suddenly just kept on pushing the thought of going out with Mingyu up my throat. They would always say how we looked good together and how we would make such a complimentary pair, which was unnerving thinking how college students would do such a high school thing to do.

However, I understand that most people wouldn’t make a big deal out of that. It was not something I should take to heart. But that was not me at that time. That time, I found it hard making friends, and I found it even harder when circumstances were not how I would expect it to be. And also, as you all already know, I was extremely awkward as it is, so I really couldn't handle the teasing, and being put in the spotlight randomly like that. Those just weren't my thing. And even though Mingyu was outgoing enough to be able to play along with the joke, I wasn't. There were some instances though when I felt like he would glance at me pitifully, sensing my discomfort, and then he would distance himself after that and make some excuse to leave. I was kinda thankful for that, but then again it only fueled my frustration with myself for being so incapable of basic human interactions that I had to make someone as sure with himself as Mingyu uncomfortable too.

Soonyoung looked at me apologetically after my confession and told me that he was sorry for failing to keep my feelings in check. He said that he became too caught up with Mingyu and his unique personality that he didn't realize he was making me extremely uncomfortable with the sudden friendship. I told him I didn't mind his friendship with Mingyu at all, I just wished people would stop from forcing one between Mingyu and I when I wasn't the type to just spark up friendship with everyone I meet. And that I also wished the teasing would stop. I didn't tell Soonyoung about it then though, but I realized that what I disliked most about the whole romanticisation thing was that it made me feel insecure. I felt like they were mocking me by unconsciously comparing me to Mingyu. I felt like they were making fun of me, even though I know now that that wasn't the case at all. But back then, it was all I could think about. I thought, sure I wasn't good-looking, and I didn't have a million dollar smile, a nice personality, and the ability to not embarrass myself in public, but Mingyu did, and I felt like people were carelessly fetishizing us as the “opposite attracts” which made me feel bad for myself.

Mind you that at this point in time, I had some major confidence issues, and a lot of unresolved internal conflicts so I acted like the whole world was against me and that I was a poor victim of social stereotypes and all that (I was — we all are at some point — but I learned to overcome that later on).

After that day, I noticed that Soonyoung and our classmates did lay low with the teasing. I didn't exactly know how the others found out, but I guess it had something to do with Soonyoung. And of course that made me feel embarrassed again, imagining how Soonyoung explained the fact that an adult like me would feel the need to request people to stop joking around just because I was not capable of dealing with normal social stuff.

Anyhow, now we go to the exciting part. At least for y'all.

A week after my offer, Mingyu had manage to talk to his past roommate and landlord and also submit all the requirements for his new dorm. So, he was ready to move in to our shared flat.

Soonyoung wasn't available that day to help with the unpacking and all that stuff since he had an important family thing going on, so Mingyu and I were left alone on our own. And I didn't realize until then that the two of us never really had the chance to hang out alone. There was always Soonyoung and, in some rare occasions when I would attend org stuff, our org mates.

Maybe it kind of helped that we were inside the dorm — inside the flat I managed to get comfortable with in my three years stay in there — so I was not as awkward as I would have been perhaps outside or in school.

And so I helped Mingyu take all his stuff, which he packed inside large boxes to make it easier to move them from his old dorm to our new dorm's lobby to our unit. I helped him move some furniture to accommodate his own drafting table (which we reassembled again because he couldn't move it as it is without disassembling the pieces) and small bookshelf, and then I left him to unpack his clothes to the closet (he said he could manage that on his own) and his books and drafting materials to the shelf. So I busied myself instead with preparing snacks for us. Now I wasn't the best cook, but what else would I do instead of that?

I cooked ramen for the both of us and took out the kimchi from the fridge. As I was setting up the table, Mingyu emerged from our shared bedroom (yes, it was a 2-person bedroom with two single beds, which was another reason why I was skeptical in taking Mingyu in) with something in his hand.

“I cooked ramen,” I told him. “You should take a seat and eat first.”

Mingyu smiled and took a seat at the two-person dining table. “I actually have a thank-you gift for you,” he said as he assisted in fixing the holder when I placed the pot on the table.

“Oh, um, you didn’t have to. But thank you.”

It was a fancy Slytherin-themed bookmark which he bought after he heard from Soonyoung that I was a huge Harry Potter fan and was sorted in Slytherin on Pottermore. I must admit that it did make me feel even more guilty when he was all nice like that, buying me a gift and all. So that made it a little bit faster for me to accept our new living condition.

“Sorry if the noodles is a little soggy,” I said after I placed the bookmark somewhere where it wouldn’t get ruined.

Mingyu shrugged. “It’s fine. But I should cook for you sometimes, too. In case you don’t know, I’m actually a pretty okay cook.” I decided to humor him and raised my eyebrows. “It’s true. I actually cook a lot for my family back at home. My specialties are japchae and samgyetang.”

“Are you bragging now?”

He chuckled. “Maybe. But I’m serious about liking to cook. And it’s also my way of asking for permission to use your kitchen,” he added shyly.

“Well, if I get to judge your japchae and samgyetang…”

“A lot of people have already acknowledged my cooking skills so I don’t feel any pressure at all.”

Now, contrary to what you would've expected, we didn't just magically fell in love after we became housemates, but we did end up being closer as friends. And as real friends this time. Not just the, “oh yes we know each other and hang out together sometimes because of a common friend” type of friends.

We started hanging out together on our own and talking without a mediator to break the awkwardness. And it is somehow expected considering we did became roommates. You really can’t run away from your roommate without making both your life hard. And I guess it did help, too, that a month after Mingyu moved in, he started showing interest on one of his female classmates and later on went out with her, which means Soonyoung and his gang completely stopped the MinWon thing - which also means that Mingyu and I could already talk freely without soft, teasing whistles and mocking raise of eyebrows on the sides.

What’s interesting about this thing with Soomin, though, is that I was the first person Mingyu told about it to. It was during one particular evening when I was in our room busy doing my bubble diagram and initial schematics for Design.

Mingyu went home late that night. I indirectly asked him about it because I sensed it was what he wanted me to do.

“You look like you’re in an extra good mood tonight,” I noted, side eyeing him from my drafting table. He threw his bag on the foot of his and then collapsed on his bed. It took him a few seconds before he sat up to face me.

“Hyung,” he called. “Is it okay if I tell you this?” He looked so excited I didn’t think he would have taken no for an answer.

I looked at him briefly. “Well, if you’re comfortable enough to tell me about it then I guess yes.”

“I mean, you’re doing your plate and all.”

I snorted. “I’m bored anyway. I’ve only been staring at it for the past hour.”

My answer seemed to satisfy him because he fixed his posture on his bed and began his story by saying that there was this girl in class he’d been asking to go out for some time already, and that that night she finally said yes to him. He told me they went out to eat at a grill restaurant with some other classmates and that he offered to see her off at the train station after. They were waiting at the platform when she finally told him that she’d been thinking about his offer for the past few days and she finally decided to go on a date with him. Of course it was only one date, but everything starts with a first time so Mingyu feeling that much hopeful was understandable.

I could never forget Mingyu’s face when he was telling me about it. He was so happy and dreamy. He looked so youthful, sitting on his bed and talking about finally going on a date with the girl he was deeply crushing on. I guess that was when I started seeing Mingyu differently. Not yet in a romantic sense, but that night, I was able to see a side of him I had never seen before.

All the while, I’d only been seeing him as this cheerful, overly friendly person who was way too nice to be my roommate. But because of that night, I was able to realize that he was still just like any normal teenager, or any normal person for that matter - so excited about the potential of his feelings being reciprocated, and so thrilled by the whole idea of love. He was almost hopeless romantic-ish, and in a way, I was able to feel a connection. I was able to find a similarity between us.

I once heard from Soonyoung’s sister that they had talked about it in their psychology class: the fact that opposites attract isn’t entirely true, and that like-minded people are more likely to be drawn to each other compared to people who do not adhere the same beliefs. And I guess that night I was able to relate to Mingyu. As a result, it allowed me to lower the pedestal I subconsciously put him on since our first encounter. It was safe to say that I started warming up (a little) to him because of that night. The thing that made me feel completely closer to him though is this next part of the story I am about to tell you.

Of course Mingyu was still a teenager that time. And just like any other teenager, he still wasn't that much mindful of the risks he was taking until it was already too late. Or almost too late. He was still heavily relying on firsthand experiences to learn his lessons, and he was a little too adventurous and a little too rash and careless about most things.

As anyone would've expected, Soomin and Mingyu ended up going to more dates after their first. And then almost two months after, they started going out officially as boyfriend and girlfriend. Of course as much as they weren't completely mature adults yet, they weren't little kids either, so they started doing sexual activities a few weeks after their relationship started. At first it didn't go anything past third base. The girl would sometimes give Mingyu a head and Mingyu would fondle with her breasts and grind on her private parts. However, it is only expected that things were bound to develop from their.

The first time they had penetrative sex was during the Architecture acquaintance party.

Most parties organized by the college were held at a different venue outside the campus, sometimes at hotels, sometimes at convention centers or pavilions. That year it was at a convention center a little bit far from our university. Soomin's parents allowed her to stay at a hotel near the venue so she wouldn't have to go all the way back home late at night after the party. And so what would that have left her and Mingyu at? A whole room for themselves with no one to stop them or reprimand them for what they were about to do. It only made sense that they slept together that night. And since they were already introduced to the dynamics of it all, they started doing it more after that.

As I have said though, both of them were still young that time, and as much as I hate to say it, they were at that time when they were not so concerned about a lot of things, especially about sex and relationships, and the pleasure that came along with it seemed to be the priority instead.

I learned about it one afternoon when I didn't have a class and Mingyu only had his in the morning. He went home looking so anxious and disturbed. It was the first I saw him like that. He did get frustrated from deadlines and all that, but his presence and aura that afternoon was so off-putting that anyone could tell something was bothering him. I was almost scared to talk to him, but we were already at that point in our friendship when I felt obligated to ask him what was wrong especially at times like this.

“Hey, are you okay?” I asked as I pretended to was my cup on the sink as an excuse to stand beside him while he was heating up water for his instant coffee.

He didn't spare me a glance when he said, “Yeah.” He just continued staring at the counter looking so obviously problematic.

“It's okay if you don't want to talk about it,” I told him. “But if you're hungry I left you some kimbap in the fridge.”

It took him half an hour before he went inside our room, still looking like he was carrying the whole world on his back. He hit his bed face-first, and didn’t move until a moment later, this time staring at the ceiling absentmindedly. He still looked distrait when he mumbled, “Soomin’s delayed for four days now.”

I didn’t get it at first, stupidly thinking she failed a subject instead or something. Until it finally hit me and I looked at him shocked and worried.

“Did she take the test already?”

He sighed. “Not yet. She’s scared. But I’m going to go with her to take it tomorrow.”

I was not sure if I should ask. If he was worried, then there must be a reason to be worried, but I couldn’t help it especially when it became so silent and my thoughts were starting to eat me up.

“Do you not use protection?” I asked.

He let out a long sigh of distress. “No. She told me she was taking pills, so I didn’t feel the need to. The last time we did it though, she forgot to tell me she missed taking her dose. I know I pulled out that time, but I also know pulling out isn’t protection so there’s a possibility she might be...”

He pulled his arm up to cover his face in frustration and disbelief. I couldn’t blame him. Of course I was frustrated too that he would carelessly allow himself to be in that kind of situation, but it wasn’t like I could do anything about it. Not when he himself couldn’t do anything about it anymore but to pray Soomin wouldn’t be pregnant.

He began telling me about his past relationships. Before that, we’d never talked about anything that personal especially about our past, so it was a little surprising but a little expected, too.

He told me that he dated a total of three people in high school: a girl and two guys, one of whom he slept with during their relationship, and then there were two guys he hooked up with in acting school. Those were the only experiences he had, he told me, which made Soomin the first girl he ever had sex with. And this made him even more worried.

He didn’t know the dynamics of sleeping with a female that much yet, and he truthfully told me that that made him even more nervous about this whole pregnancy thing. He didn’t have to deal with or even think about stuff like that before, so now that he was faced with such dilemma, he didn’t know how to handle himself. He confessed that despite appearing so carefree and easygoing, he wasn’t prepared for anything like pregnancy or marriage yet, which I totally get. I didn’t know anyone in college who was ready to start a family. Damn, even some working adults I knew had no thoughts about those things yet.

Mingyu also said that Soomin belonged to a pretty conservative family, so there was a fat chance they would ask him to marry her if she turned out to be pregnant just to save face. That made him even more scared, but he said he would do it anyway if it really did came to that point, which I found even more stupid because people do not have to rush into marriage just because of a pregnancy. Both parents can stay in the child’s life without making all three of their lives miserable by forcing to make a marriage they didn’t want in the first place work.

“Aren’t there something like emergency contraception?” I asked.

“Yeah, she told me about that. But since I pulled out, she said she didn’t feel the need to take one. And now it’s already been a week so taking it would be pointless.”

I couldn’t begin to tell you how frustrated I was with the both of them. As a gay person, I couldn’t believe I knew more about stuff such as birth control than Soomin and Mingyu. I found it absolutely stupid how people could engage in sexual activities without knowing basic things such as preparation and aftercare. First of all, even though Soomin was taking pills, that didn’t mean protection from STDs, too. So Mingyu not using condoms during sex (especially when Soomin had slept with her past boyfriends before) was just plainly stupid. And second, Soomin should’ve known that pulling out doesn’t completely prevent women from bearing a child. It does not substitute for other forms of birth control. I feel awful saying this, but it was a miracle she still hadn’t gotten pregnant before.

The next day, I went home late so Mingyu was already there when I got home. He was cooking ramen and offered to share, but I told him I’ve already eaten with Soonyoung outside. He looked better than he did the day before, so I asked him he was feeling better. Instead of answering, he told me with a flat tone, “She’s negative.”

“Oh, that’s, um, good then.”

I knew he was relieved, but I felt like they must’ve argued that day. I had been noticing, too, even before the pregnancy scare that their relationship seemed to not be in a not so good place. It was different when they first started going out. Mingyu would always go home in a good mood then. Sometimes, he would even give me snacks when he got home and tell me a brief summary of what happened that day with him and Soomin - the dates and all. But lately, he’d been looking gloomy and he would hardly talk about her. I didn’t feel like I should ask him about it, so I just stayed silent through it all.

My suspicions had been confirmed when roughly a week later, I found out from Soonyoung that Soomin and Mingyu broke up. They said it was because Soomin was seeing someone behind Mingyu’s back (which I later confirmed to be true from Mingyu himself).

I couldn’t believe she would do something like that, not when I had been a witness of how dedicated Mingyu was to her to the point where he would even marry her if she really did turn out to be pregnant. She was so thick-faced that I made sure to stare down at her a second too long whenever I walk past her on the hallways starting then. It was out of my personality and it was me who would most likely be intimidated than be the one who would try to intimidate someone, but I was so angry at her that time that I just had to do it even when I would sometimes back down when she would stare back (how shameless).

“I’m sorry, hyung,” Mingyu told me over ramen and kimchi jeon (Mingyu was a great cook and I thought there wasn’t anything he couldn’t do - except acting, of course) one night when we both didn’t have that much to do (miraculously) and had time for a movie at home.

“What for?” I asked, slurping from my bowl, feet up on the couch.

“I feel like I’ve somehow bothered you with my past relationship, especially during the times when I would go home in a bad mood.”

“I understand though. Relationships aren’t always all roses; there are bound to be bad days. And I actually think you try your best to manage your emotions around me still, so I’m kinda thankful for that.”

He put his bowl down on the table to face me better. “Can I tell you something, hyung?”

“Go ahead.”

“I’m still feeling a little cautious around you.” I looked at him and asked why. “Well,” he started, really sounding cautious, “this is your room first and I feel like I’m being a burden by living here with you.”

“You always cook food for the both of us. You would come with me to do the grocery and would always share the expenses. You clean after yourself. You would include my clothes when you do laundry and you never clog the toilet. I don’t see why you would be a burden.”

He cracked a smile at that. “I’m glad to hear that.”

“But yeah, I kinda feel it, too. How you don’t seem that comfortable around here.”

“Well, it’s not like I’m not comfortable per se. I’m just… holding back. Because I’m afraid I would invade the space that originally belongs to you.”

I snorted. “You live here, too. We share this space now.”

After that, Mingyu did start to feel more at ease in our room. And because of that we became even closer. In fact, before our semestral break (which is also a holiday break), Mingyu and I got each other Christmas gifts before we went back to our hometowns: me in Changwon and Mingyu in Anyang. He got me Banana Yoshimoto’s Sweet Hereafter after he saw me reading one of her other works (“I’m so relieved you haven’t read that yet, hyung. I was afraid because you’ve read so many books already so I got her latest one.”), while I got him a Koi watercolor set.

After than, Mingyu admitted to me that he did feel a lot closer to me by that time, and that he hoped we could continue being closer in the future. We wished each other Merry Christmas and then we left for Changwon and Anyang the next day.

However, by the time we went back to Seoul after the break, Mingyu was already talking about someone he met in Anyang who also used to be his classmate in acting school before. They weren’t anything more than friends then, but I could already sense that it was going some other path.

Unlike with Soomin, however, Mingyu didn’t distance Eunwoo to me. He introduced us to each other and would make us interact whenever Eunwoo visited him at the university. Mingyu also felt a lot more comfortable bringing him home occasionally to hang out after the talk we had before the holiday. It also helped that Eunwoo and I actually did became friends, too. He was a nice kid, and just like Mingyu, was extremely tall and good-looking. This time I could actually see some chemistry between them.

And then just like that, time passed by so quickly. Before we knew it, it was already mid-February, which meant an ArEx out-of-town field trip. As you probably have guessed, I didn’t want to join the trip. I didn’t like sleepovers either, or anything that required me to go out of my comfort zone and be somewhere I’m not used to. Even moving to a dorm gave me a lot of sleepless nights before. But as you would’ve guessed, too, Soonyoung didn’t even allow me to say a single word and just signed me up as one of the attendees.

“Isn’t it great, hyung?” Mingyu beamed as we both pack our bags for the trip the next day. Of course Mingyu was coming. “Two days away from the stress of Archi.”

I rolled my eyes. “And then we go back to it after, although with more stress this time because we’ve put off doing a lot of projects and plates for a two-day field trip.”

“It’s only two days. You’re so pessimistic.”

“Realistic. It’s a different thing.”

“Still a bummer either way.”

At seven in the morning, everyone met up at the the gazebo in front of our building to catch the 8:15AM trip of the KTX-Sancheon. It was a 3-hour long ride from Seoul, so in the middle of the train ride to Dongdaegu Station, Soonyoung and Mingyu exchanged seats so Soonyoung could talk to the VP for external affairs. Mingyu and I ended up sharing snacks, chatting, and napping for the rest of the ride.

We were to go to some UNESCO World Heritage sites in Gyeongju such as the Seokguram Grotto, Bulguksa Temple, and other historical places inside the Gyeongju Historic Areas. I am going to save you from all the boring details of the trip. I mean, yes, it was a very beautiful place, and the tour was very educational and fun and everyone did enjoy it. But the part that plays a significant part in the story isn’t the tour, but what happened back in our hotel.

Mingyu and I ended up as roommates, once again. It was kind of weird getting to that decision and realizing we didn’t get to plan it all out ahead. All three of us (Mingyu, Soonyoung, and I) knew that both Mingyu and Soonyoung have other friends who they could room with. However, that’s not something I have, so that left me in the middle - one of them had to stay and room with me since every room was a 2-person room and we had an even number of attendees. Thankfully, Soonyoung went ahead and told us he’d be rooming with a member named Woojin so we didn’t really have to go through an awkward confrontation about who rooms with who.

Mingyu and I settled in our room. It shouldn’t be anything different from our dorm (the setup was the same - us, being roommates), and for the most part it wasn’t. But the place was different - the atmosphere, the ambiance, the beds, the lightings, the bathroom - and maybe that was why we ended up having some kind of a deep conversation that night.

In the comfort of our dorm, we had all kinds of distraction: our plates, our laptops, my books, Mingyu's sketchpad. But in the hotel, we were stripped down with all of those, and were forced to create conversations we strayed away from for the past months and to touch topics we might be too afraid or uncomfortable to ask about before.

As I had expected, Mingyu asked the reason why I chose Architecture. That was like the million dollar question in college. Everyone is curious about your choice, probably because everyone doesn't feel very confident about theirs. Somehow, in college, it feels like everyone is just looking for someone who’s in the similar situation as theirs to make themselves feel better in some way.

I ended up telling Mingyu the truth. The thing about me was I didn't exactly like sharing things about myself, but when asked, I couldn’t really come up with a cover up story or a white lie and only end up completely spilling the truth.

“Well, it’s practical,” I started, folding my my used clothes while Mingyu dried his hair with a towel. I wanted to add more but I couldn’t seem to find other reasons that wouldn’t make me look like an ungrateful idiot.

“Based from you tone, it doesn’t seem to be your first choice.”

I shrugged. Technically it was my first choice when I filled out the admission form a few years ago, but I do get what he meant.

“So what do you really like?” Mingyu asked instead.

I hesitated for a moment, skeptical about sharing something as personal as that to my roommate especially when at that time, my true passion was made to be treated like a taboo so I wouldn’t get to mess up what I was currently pursuing that time. It sounds ridiculous now, but at that point in time it seemed like the only logical thing I could do to not dwell more on my regrets in life.

“Writing,” I said simply, although it sounded like a question instead of a statement.

Just as I had predicted, Mingyu asked me why I wasn’t in a writing program instead. It was too far from architecture, he told me.

“Well, I also like art,” I answered. “So there’s that. But then I thought before that writing and other fields of art are not as, I don’t know, practical as fields in science or maths? It’s a pathetic way of thinking, I know, because it’s not entirely true. Arts and literature are, like, the souls of the world. But that wasn’t what eighteen-year-old me thought before, so… Don’t worry, I already got my karma and I’m really regretting lots of my past decisions now,” I added with forced humor.

Mingyu frowned at me. He sat on his bed opposite mine, staring at me with a sad look on his face. I kind of hated that because I felt even more sorry for myself, but I couldn’t deny that somehow it comforted me, too, knowing he was sympathizing with what I was going through.

“So all this time - for three years now - you’ve only been putting up with Architecture?”

I snickered. “It isn’t something I hate, so that makes it better I guess. But, yeah, it’s not something I’ve always dreamt of doing. And you wanna know a secret?” He raised his eyebrows. “It’s also not something I see myself doing years from now. But don’t tell my parents that. They’re going to kill me,” I half-joked.

“Isn’t that a bit ironic? I heard from Soonyoung-hyung that you are running for latin honors.”

I knew that. That had always been the irony of my life. It is a bit embarrassing to say this myself, but that fact that I kept doing good even on things I didn’t exactly like, or wasn’t all that passionate about, was one of the reasons why I carried on despite the nagging feeling of wasting a good amount of my time doing other stuff instead of investing it on things that actually mattered in my life.

It would’ve been a lot easier I sucked at Architecture. That would’ve have pushed me to my limits and made me quit. But I was doing fine, better than I had expected even, so I didn’t feel the need to let go and do something else instead. And it only chained me by the ankles and forced to finish what I had started.

“I need to do my best no matter what I choose to do. My parents have high expectations of me,” I admitted.

And that was when things started to get a little more heavy. Talking about my dreams was one thing, but talking about my family, specifically my parents, was another. It wasn’t the most comfortable topic to talk about for me. I had a lot of repressed emotions and unspoken feelings towards them. I could tell you a story about my mom and I would just start getting emotional instantly. And I guess that time when we were being bombarded by deadlines didn’t help with my emotional state either. I wasn’t in my best state, and simply talking about them stirred up my heart strongly.

My mom and I had argued a lot when I was little. I used to joke around saying it was because I didn’t have a sibling, so my mom and I made up for it by arguing a lot since I had no one to do that with besides her. But I do realize now that it was because we both had strong beliefs about a lot of things - things that were usually contradicting. She wanted to have it her way; I wanted to have it my way.

She used to question my emotions a lot, too, which I didn’t like one bit. She used to say I didn’t love her and my father just because I couldn’t say “I love you” to them. I do know now that it is actually important to speak out about what you’re feeling, but at that time I just felt so wronged being questioned like that when I knew in my heart that I loved them a lot. I just wasn’t someone who wears his heart on his sleeve. I wasn’t showy or vocal about myself either. And somehow I felt betrayed that of all people, they were the ones who couldn’t understand that.

Mingyu made the wrong move by asking about them. And I made the wrong move by telling him about them so easily. I told him I was an only-child, which made things a lot harder for me. I was my parents’ only chance to child-rearing, so they (specifically my mother) wanted to make sure that I was perfect to bits. I couldn't mess up. I couldn’t be someone she did not exactly approve of because I was their only one. I couldn’t be unpolished. That put a lot of pressure on me that sometimes when I look back to my childhood, I couldn’t picture anything that looked like I actually went through childhood. I was always forced to be this and that. And I wasn’t sure if that was intentional on my mother’s part or not, but I did feel like I wasn’t allowed to be who I want to be because I was constantly observed under a microscope.

I had to study hard even at a young age. While other kids were busy playing games and talking with their friends on the phone all day, I was busy studying for tests and quizzes. While other kids were walking at the park or baking with their mothers, I was alone in my room reading books and almanacs.

I had a bit of a rough childhood, I must say. A perfectionist mother doesn’t mix well with an only child. She needs to have a fallback child/ren. She needs more than one hope. And her child needs to at least have an ally. Or the fun and pain of getting to point fingers of who gets to star the movie mother was directing.

And I guess that was how I developed my love for writing. I couldn’t tell anyone about what I was feeling so I learned to bleed it all out on paper. And even until college I still had to reach all my mother’s expectations of me. It was hard, knowing that in the process I was also hindering myself to be myself. And it made me afraid, too, to wonder whether I would ever get the chance to be myself ever in my life.

Sometimes I would feel like I didn’t like anything I was doing in my life anymore. I wasn’t happy. It made me want to quit. It made me want to just walk away and finally do something for myself for once. But I had been sewn to function and act a certain way that I knew perfectly how bad I would feel if I turn my back on all the things I’d worked on since the beginning. I didn’t grew up thinking putting time and effort to waste was okay. I was trained to suck it all up and do what I had to do, not what I _want_ to do.

Honestly, there was so much more. So, so, so much more that I had locked up inside me, forming like tar that dyed my heart into a dark, charcoal color. But those I listed above were some of the things I never got to tell anyone that transparently until that moment. As I have already said, talking about my feelings wasn’t my forte, and maybe it was the different environment, the change in scenery, that brought me to spill out my feelings that night. Or maybe it was everything I’d pent up inside me for years finally taking a toll on me in a form of a confessional meltdown. But I did end up telling Mingyu so much about myself than I’d ever told Soonyoung or anyone else. And truth be told, it was both surprising and relieving.

“I think you're amazing for going through all that and still have the strength to keep going,” Mingyu tells me, voice soft and sincere. “Too much pressure kills dreams instead of fueling them. It's too bad you have to experience what you're experiencing now because I believe you're capable of doing so much more if given the chance.”

I smiled faintly at him. “Thank you. It's been a while since someone said that to me.”

Mingyu made a face. “Really? I can't believe you're not being told enough how amazing you are. No, really,” he added when he saw me snort. “I just haven't told you before because, well, it's a little weird for me to just complimented you out of the blue. But I admire you, hyung. For a lot of things. And I don't know exactly how to say it, but for the short time I've known you I've seen how little you think of yourself. And it's ridiculous, because you are a lot more than the picture you have of yourself in your head. Whenever we're outside, or I see you outside, you always keep to yourself. People can say things about you and you wouldn't even say anything back. I know it's hard, but I want to let you know that you're a great person. Whatever it is you think of yourself as, or the world make you think yourself as, you are a lot more than that. And you owe yourself compliments, too.”

I stared at Mingyu from my bed, looking for any sign of insincerity. Like, maybe he was only saying it all to he nice - so I wouldn't embarrass myself more now that I'd shared more than I was ought to. But Mingyu looked nothing like it. He was serious. And my heart suddenly swelled from happiness knowing he really thought of me like that. Knowing that I wasn't as much of a garbage as I thought I was. And it was nice. It was really, really nice hearing it from someone else. There were small, weak voices in my head from time to time, telling me to believe in myself and motivating me to keep going because bad things don't continue for the rest of someone's life. But it was so nice actually hearing it coming from somebody else's mouth. And suddenly I couldn't help the tears that was coming.

“You're really smart, hyung. And you have the ability to excel on whatever path you choose, which may be hard sometimes,” he pointed out, “but I think that's a poof of how great you are and how much more you can be. And you're really good-looking, too. I think I have to lay it down for you since you don't seem to know.

“Also, just for the record,” Mingyu said, looking at me with profound eyes, “I think you will be a really great writer. And I would buy whatever book or material you will put out in the future.”

I titled my head and pursed my lips, feeling all warm inside. I wiped away the few tears that fell on my cheeks. “Thank you, Mingyu. That means a lot.”

I heard from somewhere that the key to seducing someone, whether in a sexual way or not, is by means of meeting that person's unmet need. And I guess that time, being able to vent out and honestly talk about all the things I'd been keeping inside myself for ages was a need that was never satisfied until that moment with Mingyu.

I needed someone to listen, and he did. He fulfilled the unmet need. Maybe it was something I didn't even realize I needed until that very moment, but the fact that I was able to do it without judgement from anyone, and even with so much uplifting words of acknowledgement from someone, genuinely felt like a huge rock had been lifted from my chest. It was relieving. And there was nothing more I could've felt towards Mingyu but gratitude and a whole new level of respect and admiration after that. And so it only make sense that we developed a new level of closeness right when we went back from that trip at Gyeongju.

You know how it's like when something triggered a shift in your relationship with someone and then after that you are suddenly so aware of their presence? I do. I started seeing Mingyu in a different light after that night in Gyeongju, and this was when I knew I was starting to like him. The seduction was successful, regardless of whether it was intentional or not. Mingyu was able to show me a possibility. He showed another side of him that appeals to me. A side of him that touched the sentimental part of me that probably made up 80% of who I was. It was scary, but it sparked curiosity, too.

By the time we were back in Seoul, I was already well aware of the fact that I was getting attracted to Kim Mingyu. It wasn't that hard. For starters I already acknowledged that he was good-looking, and to add to that he was also a great cook and a great roommate-slash-friend. And then I discovered that he was a really good listener, too. Which was kind of the clincher. He was affectionate and appreciative and good at giving sincere compliments. And even the things that didn't appeal to me as much in the beginning - like his outgoing and spontaneous personality - started looking not so bad to me, too.

However, this was also the time when he was hanging out with Eunwoo. I did became a little awkward towards both of them that time, but I was decent enough to not tell either about it. I just watched from the sidelines as they fell more and more into their relationship, whatever it was.

There would be times when Mingyu would go home with a hickey and I felt a pang of jealousy seeing those. It was ridiculous especially when I hadn’t experience that kind of feeling before. But it allowed me to realize that what I was feeling towards Mingyu was real. I was attracted to him and I wasn’t just romanticizing him or faking it all in my head.

At that period, I realized how hard it must’ve felt for someone to like someone else but not have them know or reciprocate it. Now I may be sounding overdramatic, but it did felt that way when I made to watch Mingyu and Eunwoo from a distance by the circumstance we were on.

But then little did we know, things were about to change.

As I have been constantly repeating, Mingyu and I were both old enough that time to know certain things - we weren't little boys - and we were both just like any other sexual being in the the planet. Although you probably might have already expected Mingyu, I must confirm that I also did engage to sexual stuff even though it was only for self-gratification.

Mingyu and I didn't talk about it explicitly, but we did deal with it in a more discreet way. It came in the form of a Kakao message one afternoon.

 **Kim Mingyu:** _hyungg u on ur way home?_

 **Me:** _Yep, just have to buy something at 7-11. Be there in around 15. You're at the dorm already?_

 **Kim Mingyu:** _ye_

 **Me:** _You want me to buy you something?_

 **Kim Mingyu:** _uhh not rly,, but can i lyk_

_have 10 more mins? pls_

**Me:** _Yeah sure. Cleaning up?_

 **Kim Mingyu:** _ummmm_

_me time???_

It became kind of like an unspoken rule after that. Mingyu would text me, “15 mins,” and I would reply with a simple okay. I would text him, “room to myself until 5:30,” and he would text back with a, “got it.”

Honestly, I was thankful for Mingyu for bringing that up first. As you know me, I wasn't the type to have the courage to say something about it first myself.

Of course I did have me-time's, too, and to be honest, it did feel uncomfortable doing it in secret. It wasn't a problem before when I had the whole unit for myself, but after having a roommate it became a little bit risky doing it in our shared bedroom. The bathroom was always a safer option, but having a bed was a lot more comfortable especially when I already got used to it after Taekwoon left.

Much to our luck though, there was a loophole in this setup Mingyu and I had established.

We both had our schedules printed out and pinned on a corkboard inside our room. At first, it served the purpose of allowing us to adjust ourselves to the other’s schedule, and to know when to alarm the police about the possibility of a roommate being kidnapped. But later on, it gave us the convenience of knowing when to text the other and of timing ourselves during me-time’s.

However, those printed schedules were not always absolute. There would be times when we would go home early or a little late. Or when classes were cancelled and we had to attend a makeup class on a different day instead. And so that one particular day, when our professor only asked us to simply submit our electrical plan homework for a 2-storey residential building, it slipped my mind that that was the same day Mingyu only had his classes in the morning. I forgot to text him that I was on my way back, and in exchange, he also didn't see the need to text me when he knew I was supposed to be at school.

I unlocked our front door, hang my coat and keys on the coat hooks at the foyer, toed my shoes off, and tossed my bag on the sofa. I would usually go to the kitchen first to either put away the food I bought, look for snacks to eat, or just drink water. But that particular day, for some reason, I decided to go straight to our room.

Our room is a little farther from the front door and you wouldn’t hear anyone getting in if you weren’t paying attention (and of course Mingyu wasn’t paying attention; he was masturbating).

It was one of the most shocking scenes I’ve seen in my whole life. It wasn't the disgusting kind of shocking. For fuck's sake, everyone masturbates. But it was shocking because it wasn't something I should have seen. Watching jack-off porns is so much different than walking in on your roommate stark naked with his hand on his dick and his laptop on his stomach. And as awkward as it was, our eyes met first before I could move and walk out the room, stuttering an, “O-oh shit, sorry!”

I immediately went to the living room and switched on the TV just to break the unbearable silence. Mingyu went out a few minutes later. He asked me why I was home early and I told him the story, and then he asked if I’d eaten already, to which I said no. He then proceeded to scramble in the kitchen to find something to cook. We then tried to act as normal as we could for the rest of that day, just to save ourselves from insanity.

After that whole ordeal, it felt like we were suddenly walking on eggshells. I know what you are thinking: any other roommate and/or friends would most probably just laugh it off and maybe treat it as a hilarious inside joke the next time. Even though it was in my personality to be a little (or a lot) awkward after such incident, I imagined what it would be like if it was Taekwoon instead, and I came to a conclusion that it wouldn’t feel the same way as with Mingyu. And even if I understood that the way I reacted was clearly rooted on the fact that I was already attracted to my roommate that time, I knew it wasn't the same way for him. Regardless though, he still reacted the same way I did, and that was exactly how I began to raise suspicions in the way our dynamic worked.

It became even more obvious when one night we were both standing in the kitchen, him cooking ramyun and me making peanut butter sandwich. We started talking about our day - the plates, the profs, the deadlines - and then my hands caught his eyes so he started complimenting it.

“Super random, but you have really nice hands, hyung.”

I snorted. “Why my hands suddenly?”

He shrugged. “Just saw it. They're bony.”

“Just like every other part of my body, I guess.”

“I might have to check that,” he smirked. “I like bony though.”

I stared at him in amusement and disbelief. That was clearly and intentionally a double meaning statement and I couldn't believe he was actually playing with me like that. I looked away shaking my head in small laughter.

“What?” he mused, laughing despite himself.

My laughter got a little louder. “Nothing.” And then I looked back at him, this time with him looking right back. That was when I sensed it. _The_ look. You know how when you meet eyes with someone and you know there was something else in the way you look at each other? That was exactly how it was that time. The first great shift had happened and now Mingyu and I were left to deal with the untimely revelation.

When I felt him drawing near me, obviously staring at my lips, I moved back and bite at my sandwich. “How's it going with you and Eunwoo?” I asked, making it obvious that I wouldn't deal with him the way he wanted me to as long as Eunwoo remained in the picture.

Of course I wasn't telling him to ditch Eunwoo, I wasn't in the position to, but I was definitely telling him that he was being a douche by flirting with me whilst there was something going on with him and Eunwoo.

I knew they weren't boyfriends yet, but by the way Eunwoo was acting around Mingyu, I knew he was taking their relationship seriously (whatever kind it was). I didn't exactly know how open or exclusive their relationship was, but I knew Eunwoo wouldn't be happy to see Mingyu being all chummy with other people; and to add to that, he had already become my friend in a way. I respected him enough to not be an asshole towards him.

And so that continued on for a while. Mingyu would make it obvious that he wanted me and I would constantly dodge him by diverting the topic to something else, that being Eunwoo ninety percent of the time. And I guess that was where I was wrong. By the way I dealt with his advances, I gave Mingyu the impression that I wanted him and that the only thing keeping me from acting upon it is Eunwoo instead of actually setting a clear boundary between us two. Well, if I was being honest, it wasn't entirely a lie, but it wasn't my plan to be such an open book about it.

Regardless, Mingyu confused me one day when he announced he stopped going out on dates with Eunwoo.

“What?” I asked. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

“We decided to just be friends,” answered Mingyu as he taped a new spread of tracing paper on his drafting table.

I completely stopped reading my book. I wasn't convinced it was a mutual decision. Eunwoo seemed to like Mingyu a lot. And even though Mingyu was acting so cool and chill about it, I knew he was aware. I didn't know what happened exactly, but I had a feeling Mingyu acted like a complete asshole towards Eunwoo. The guy didn't even deserve it. And to think that Mingyu did it so I could flirt back with him made me deservingly guilty knowing I might have a bit to do with Mingyu's compulsive action.

The reputation I had of him in my head began to crumble. It was a shame considering it was built through time. I started by not liking him, until I saw different good sides of him little by little making me realize I misjudged him from the start. Maybe this one was another side, but it wasn't something I liked. And yet I found myself not minding it, because when you are deeply attracted to someone you only think logically later on.

I decided to act oblivious of the fact that he cut ties with Eunwoo because I'd been hinting about my attraction to him. My attraction that was only inhibited by my morals.

“Let's get pizza after I finish this,” Mingyu said, gesturing to his plate. “It's just a concept sheet, don't worry. Domino's has a buy-one-get-one promo today.”

It took him forty minutes to finally give up on finishing his schematics. It was already 11:35 in the evening by the time we got our Meatzza and Potato Bacon pizzas.

“You always leave the crust,” I thought out loud, staring at the third strip of crust Mingyu put back down on the box.

He swallowed hard. “Yeah. I don't like it. My brother always eats it for me.”

I nodded knowingly. “Speaking of, you never told me about your family before.”

“Really? Well, what do you want to know?”

“Anything, I guess. But you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to.”

“No, it's fine. It's actually surprising that I haven't told you about them.”

I shrugged. “You did tell me about your mom. She calls you on the phone sometimes.”

“Well, we're five in the family. My parents, my older brother, me, and my little sister. My brother's in med school right now. He wants to be a surgeon. My little sister's in junior high.”

“I did remember you telling me and Soonyoung that you're a middle child,” I said, squeezing hot sauce on my slice. “I don't wanna stereotype, but I'm really curious about it. The middle child syndrome, I mean.”

He hummed. “It feels true to me sometimes. But I can't say I'm completely excluded, if that's what the middle child syndrome imposes. But yes, my older brother gets most of the pressure and responsibility, while Minseo gets most of the indulgences. But we just learn to live by out title, I guess.

Minhyun hyung really grew to be the responsible one — the smart and serious overachiever type. Minseo became the spoiled one in the family. She's everyone’s favorite, even by my grandparents, especially because she's the only girl, too. She likes the attention a lot frankly, which is annoying sometimes, but she can be really sweet when she wants to.

I, on the other hand... well - I am the carefree one who's expected to compete against Minhyun hyung all the time but has learned to give up eventually. You can never win against him anyway, so I just learn to roll with what I have. But it has its advantages, too, you know. For starters, I wouldn't get disowned that easily just because I messed up one exam. And my parents wouldn't make a fuss if I take my time finding a serious partner. And if she ends up to be a ‘he’ insisted of a ‘she.’ You know, perks.”

That was the first Mingyu shared something about his family to me. He did sound like he wasn't all too bothered by the way things worked around their house, but I knew there was a part of him that was a little bitter.

“So your parents were okay when you came out to them?” I asked.

Mingyu shrugged. “I didn't come out to them. Well, not intentionally. They walked in on me and my first boyfriend. I mean, my mom did.”

I blinked, “Oh.” _Mingyu and the probability of people walking in on him at the most inappropriate moments._

“And then I told them that I am bisexual. It's not like I had a choice. I needed to tell them now that mom had already seen me giving my ex-boyfriend, who they thought was just strictly my Chemistry groupmate, a head. It wasn't as disastrous as you'd expect. Everyone was calm and nobody cried,” he tried to humor me. “They just told me that they accept me for who I am but they still expect me to prioritize my health and well-being. They were super chill about it. Just practice safe sex and you're good. You know, classic Mr. and Mrs. Kim.”

I know I said I had a bad first impression of Mingyu because he came of as an extremely extroverted flirt who basked in the attention he got from being teased as the ever-so-boring Jeon Wonwoo's love interest. But to be perfectly frank, the real reason I didn't like him at first was because I was envious of him. I felt like he was a reminder of who I was not but was expected to be. He was confident, effortlessly smart, friendly, sociable, skillful, and sure of what he wanted to be in the future. He knew what he wanted to do and he does it. He wasn't second thinking nor over thinking every single day of his life. He didn't have to deal with the pressure of not being a disappointment to your whole family as much as I did. He didn't have to constantly live with the crippling fear of failing in being on par with the standards set upon you. He was so carefree. He could do whatever he wanted without having to think of whether you could financially support your family in the future with the path your choose today. He didn't get to experience taking risks and doing what you want to do for once, only for it to leave a bad taste in your mouth because you already grew accustomed to never going against the current.

I wished my parents would react the same way if I told them I was gay. But classic Mr. and Mrs. Jeon were not like that. Even though they had their suspicions about me, I knew they were still badly hoping they were just overly scrutinizing me. They fear the day I would come out, I knew it. And that wasn't a really good sign.

We would get to the day I tell them about it, but that day wasn't _the_ day. Or the next coming days. Not even the next couple of years after that.

“It's stupid to ask this, but what did you feel about their response. I never imagined there would be parents who are actually thay chill,” I mused.

Mingyu chugged down his coke before replying, “Well, yeah I suppose. They're not your typical overprotective parents after all.  At least not to me. I kinda expected the response, to be honest. If it was Minhyun hyung they would be sat down for a while. If it was Minseo there would probably be some crying especially on my mom's part. But I'm Mingyu, so…” He shrugged.

“You almost sound like you wished they reacted a little more warmly.”

“You could say that. But looking at the bright side, I'm actually lucky they didn't threw my clothes out our house and asked me to leave while they cut down all financial support.”

That was when I realized that Mingyu wasn't as nonchalant about it as he appeared to be. He wanted his parents to care more and I couldn't really blame him. But it just made me envious all the more. It's just so funny that I wished my parents would care less about me (cut me some slack; let me breathe), while Mingyu wanted his parents to care more about him (restrict him sometimes; make a big deal out of the things he did sometimes instead of sweeping him under the rug). It was just like our opposite stance on Architecture.

A week after that, Mingyu, Soonyoung, and I went out together to attend an ArEx meeting being held in a pub outside the university. We had to talk about an upcoming collaboration we had with another org called ASK-SA (Architects of South Korea Student Auxiliary). We held the meeting with the members of ASK-SA for about an hour before everyone went their own way to drink and party. Honestly, you wouldn't really expect stressed and horny college students to seriously talk about college stuff in a pub. Dare I say the meeting was only a lame excuse to go out for a drink and destress actually.

And so Soonyoung, Mingyu, and I ordered a few more drinks after. As you would've expected though, Soonyoung started missing fifteen minutes later to get wild on the dance floor. He only went back to our table a little later to fetch Mingyu who willingly went with him. They disappeared into a crowd of ecstatic limbs dancing to the beat as I stayed seated at our table chugging down an extreme amount of alcohol I'd never even tried before. Well, it is true. No matter how much you try to keep your alcohol intake manageable, you don't really get to choose when you're in a bar with friends. I wasn't the type to like drinking, honestly, but it wasn't like I'd be drinking that much on a daily basis after all.

By the time we went back to our dorm, all three of us were dead drunk and reeking of alcohol. It must've smelled so bad that a middle-aged woman actually postponed taking the same elevator while she didn’t miss the chance to glare at us and make a face.

Mingyu and I bid (a very uncoordinated) goodbye to Soonyoung when the elevator stopped on our floor. I couldn't remember how we managed to get inside our unit without collapsing along the hallway, but we did. I only remember taking off my jacket and throwing it somewhere in our living room before I felt hands encircling my waist.

Now I must warn you that this is the part where things started to turn into a downward spiral of miscommunication and complications. This is where the second great shift happened. If you think the whole walking-in-while-Mingyu-was-masturbating thing is bad enough, the actions we took after that is so much worse.

As I have been emphasizing all this time, we were just like any other young adult that time. You wouldn't really expect us to be super mature about things such as relationships and sex, although your could be expecting better judgement from us. Especially for me, for Pete's sake; I was twenty-one that time. But the thing is, I hadn't experienced anything that liberating and exciting  before Mingyu, and I think that that somehow gives an explanation for the way I acted even though I'm not really sure it justified it. But you are allowed to experience whatever anyway, especially at certain periods of your life. You don't learn everything from just reading books and watching other people from the sidelines.

Mingyu turned me towards him and we uninhibitedly just started kissing right in the middle of the living room. My intoxicated brain was too hazy to fake maturity or self-control, so I had my arms around his neck and my fingers through his hair within seconds. There were lots of tongue, and although I'd kissed a couple of guys before, they were nothing compared to the way Mingyu was roughly pushing his tongue inside my mouth. We kissed and kissed like we'd been waiting for that moment all our lives. His lips started moving upwards to my ears and then at the back of my ears and then downwards to my neck and then my clavicle. I couldn't even think about anything at that moment but the sheer pleasure of having someone suck on my skin, nipping and marking it recklessly for the first time in my life.

I couldn't remember moving to our bedroom, but my next memory was already there — with us making out on Mingyu's bed, our hair disheveled and skin hot and prickly. He had me under him, all vulnerable and aroused as I waited for his next move.

Finally he took off his shirt, threw it behind him, and then went back to nipping on my skin. It continued for a long while, too long that I felt like it had been days, but then I felt his hand crawling inside my shirt and I shamelessly whimpered as I felt his fingers playing with my nipple. I couldn't care less about him knowing the fact that no one had touched me there before. I just pulled him in a kiss instead, biting on his lip every time he pinched or fondled my nipples.

My shirt was next to be discarded, tossed aside and swallowed by the shadows around us as Mingyu put one of my nipples inside his mouth. I didn’t expect for it to feel that good. Of course there are certain expectations watching porn give you, but I was also taught to not believe everything you see in there. And so when Mingyu started using his tongue to play with it, my hand instinctively grabbed on his hair in pleasurable surprise. It did feel so good.

Slowly, Mingyu moved lower and lower - using his tongue he traced down from my navel to the treasure trail below. He started unbuttoning my jeans and then pulled it down with my underwear in one go. I almost screamed when he touched my dick. I almost cried when he started kneading it. I did groaned when he licked the shaft.

Mingyu had a way with his tongue - with his mouth. He was good with it. Maybe a cumulation of practice from all the previous relationships and hook-ups he’s gone through. I couldn’t help thinking how lucky those people were for having Mingyu willingly done things to them.

I had my hands balled up in fists as Mingyu put the head inside his mouth. He fondled with my dick for a long while, driving me crazy in the process. He knew what to do to make me go mad. He sucked on the head, licked from the head down to the balls, and then rubbed the girth to lips and tongue. I was in shambles. I was whimpering and moaning without inhibitions. It was crazy. Even crazier when I looked down and found him looking up at me with wide, lustful eyes. I couldn’t believe someone could have that effect on me, but I felt my dick releasing precum as I watched Mingyu kiss my sack. I almost nutted when I saw him licking the head clean, swallowing the cum while pushing his hair back to show me just what he’d done.

“You’re driving me crazy,” I breathed almost unconsciously.

Mingyu smirked and went back to playing with my cock. I couldn’t even remember the details of what happened. I was too caught up trying to suppress sounds to myself. But I do remember Mingyu taking the whole of my length inside his mouth. It felt so warm inside, like I was being sucked in entirely. My mind went hazy after that, much more when he started sucking in a quicker pace. It wasn’t something I’d felt before. It was so new yet so satisfyingly pleasurable that I came a few minutes after with Mingyu swallowing all he could get.

The next day was very awkward, but surprising not as scandalous as I thought it would be.

I woke up beside Mingyu on his bed, naked and wrapped in a blanket. I got up as carefully as I could, put on a new set of clothes from my drawer, and threw both our clothes from the night before inside the hamper. I sat down at the dining table as I waited for the water to heat up for a cup of much-needed instant coffee (the only one I could afford, by the way).

Burying my face in my hands, my thoughts trailed back to what happened last night. I couldn’t process the fact that I allowed myself to be in that situation. I allowed a platonic relationship to turn into something vague. And with my roommate of all people. I didn’t know how I could deal with it in the coming days. I even fretted the moment Mingyu would wake up at that time. I was extremely anxious and I playing scenarios in my heat that made me even more frightened.

By the time Mingyu woke up, I was already watching a random show on the TV. Well, I wasn’t _watching_ watching. I was just letting it play in the background as I drowned in overthinking and anxiousness.

“Good morning,” Mingyu’s voice pulled me back to reality. He was walking towards the kitchen to get something to eat.

“O-oh… um, good morning.”

“Did you sleep well?” He sat beside me, munching on a bread he found on the counter. I hated the fact that he would ask me that question sometimes and it was perfectly normal, but that particular day it seemed as if it was meant to mean differently. Maybe it did.

I took a sip from my cup. “Yeah… you?” He only hummed in response.

We were engulfed by pregnant silence after that. No one dared to speak a word until the TV show was almost ending.

“Look, hyung.” Mingyu began. “About last night. I-I’m sorry. I was drunk. It’s not an excuse, I know. But I -” 

“It’s fine,” I cut him off. “We were both drunk. It’s not just you. We are both at the wrong.” _And I clearly didn’t push you away, which meant I wanted it that time._

I couldn’t believe it that time, but I do realize now that I wanted that night to happen. I wanted to be touched. I wanted to experience it all and not postpone it much longer. I stepped out of my comfort zone that night and allowed things to happen because I wanted to. I was attracted to Mingyu and I knew he wanted me, too, even just in an intimate way. If there was someone who had to say sorry it was actually me.

You see, I liked Mingyu. I was attracted to him so much that time and I had already accepted it myself. I also knew though that it wasn't mutual. Mingyu only liked to be with me because he was a sexually aware teenager who was at that point in his life where his experimental and adventurous side was at its peak. And after the third time we messed around in the bedroom (yes, as you would've expected we did it a couple more times after that particular night), I realized I might actually be taking advantage of this side of him.

But then of course classic Jeon Wonwoo didn’t do anything about it, and I just let our relationship roll down into an emotional blackhole of confusion and an unexplored territory of half friends, borderline something else.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you’ve reached this part, thank you. You’ve actually read the word vomit that is this fic. And this is only half of it! This is the first work I posted here on AO3 so you are required to tell me what you think lol. 
> 
> I’m not sure yet when I can post the next part -- I’m on my last year at uni and am working on my thesis so my time is very limited. But who knows!
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed! You can catch me on twitter @wintersoupp


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